Rising Stronger: Lessons in Healing After a Breakup

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Well, here we are again, on the corners of the internet thinking about how to numb the pain of your relationship ending. While there might be a good reason why it happened, it still sucks...

While much of the touchy-feely online content advises you to don somber tones and cry your heart out, in the red corner, all of those stoics might tell you to forget about her, move on, and 'level up.' While both of those approaches may be helpful, they don't actually address the first issue: why was it not working in the first place? What was missing to create a fun and feel-good environment for both of you to enjoy your life together?

In this blog, I am looking to discuss ways to get a better version of you after a relationship breakdown and get you on the way to get what you actually want. While it is gut-wrenching and challenging, you need to see the positives in the situation... whatever they may be. For example, "She is not a total Bitch" or "Well, she is only taking half of my stuff."

What do we need to address in your recovery plan?

💟- Heal and Find Your Inner Self:

So let's start with the first one! Heal yourself and find something that makes you happy, whether it's riding motorcycles or making wax candles. You need to find something that you can do for fun, not to make money or gain some sort of advantage, just something that makes you happy.

It might be that you get lost in a computer game, but ask yourself: are you just numbing yourself away from the pain? Does it make you actually happy?

I would suggest some social things, like a road trip with your friends or finding a group of people that you can hang out with. Maybe you are into drama? So, local acting classes?

For me, it's BJJ; I go there and forget all my problems because in that moment I am fighting with some other dude not to get choked. You tend to forget about that e from Karen.

It is the things you have control over. I remember when I started to challenge myself physically on a daily basis, walking for 6 miles to work or cycling through the rain and the cold.

When I managed to complete those tasks, I gained an inner satisfaction that I could achieve those things. If I feel good about this, then what else can I feel good about?

Allowing yourself to do something you enjoy will HELP you find your mojo. It did for me.

😡- Analyse Previous Failures:

What can you learn from your previous relationship? Surely it was not all bad, as you helped it to get to a certain stage where your relationship has fallen apart! So, you can't let your ex take all of the credit.

So, what could you have done differently?

What kind of things are now red flags for you?

What kind of BS are you no longer going to tolerate, etc.?

These are all valuable questions one must ask themselves when reflecting back on a failed relationship. What have you got to lose? Or do you fancy stepping on that rake twice?

For me, I am not going to be so open and trusting from day one, that the person next to me is actually with me as a team member rather than a self-centred and all-consuming presence, which results in a complete disconnect in our goals and objectives. And we all know that we can't be in two places at once.

Yes, I have learned it the hard way.

This allows me to improve and be a better version of myself. Self-reflection is a must for me.

🔎 - Identify What You ACTUALLY Want

So, now we have talked about healing and put our previous relationships under a microscope and hopefully learned the needed lessons. If not, repeat steps 1 and 2. You have to answer a question:

What do you want from life? If you already know... fantastic! I am happy for you.

If you are not in that camp, then there is a little task I can recommend that helped me define what I want today. It goes like this:

Imagine you have lived your life as it currently is on the trajectory that it is... and now you are 80 years old, and you regret certain things that you did and you wish you could do differently.

Write those regrets down.

Now imagine you have travelled back in time to today, and you have the opportunity to change the rest of your life. For me, this exercise allowed me to reflect on what I actually want rather than superficial and material things.

Don't get me wrong; these things will help, but they are not the driver; they are a by-product of my main goals. I love helping people and seeing their success; in turn, it will motivate me to go even harder at it.

🏁 - In Closing

So there you go; these are basic questions, but they are key to answer. You might be thinking, 'I've already done this before... yeah? And how did it work out? Maybe it's time to re-evaluate and, this time, not to BS yourself. Just a thought.

What have you got to lose?